DIGITAL LIFE

Your Guide to Safe (r) Sexting

Let's be perfectly clear: Sexting will never be 100 percent safe but a lot of people are going to sext anyway. And that's fine! At PCMag, we strongly believe in yucking someone's yum. You will always be taking some risk when you send or receive naughty messages, photos, or videos. If you do not want to take any risks, you should not sext. Period. For everyone else, we humbly present these tips for making your titillating messages a little more secure.
We originally tackled this subject in 2015, but in light of the Jeff Bezos / National Enquirer blackmail scandal we're dusting it off and updating it for 2019. What Is Sexting, And Why Are People Doing It?
While some people define sexting as being sexually explicit or nude or explicit, and sexually explicit, we define sexting as sending any messages of a sexual nature. Even if you're not sharing nudes, the torrid textual exchange is still sexting, and still carries some risk of embarrassment.
The answer to why people sext is pretty straightforward: sex is fun and exciting, and sexting is easy to do and exhilarating in its own right. For some, such as couples in long-distance relationships, sexting can keep communication and sexual desire strong. For others, it's just another path to intimacy. After all, most of us text and chat all the time, and it's natural to extend that into our lives lives, as well. Also, that sexting can not spread disease or lead (at least directly) to accidental pregnancy.
There are times when the rewards of sexing outweigh the risks-it's up to you to decide. But keep in mind, we wrote this feature with the assumption that our readers were consenting adults. Kids, maybe do not try this. Consent Is Sexy
When we first tackled this subject back in 2015, PCMag analyst Jill Duffy asked Erika Moen, the cartoonist behind the sex-positive webcomic Oh Joy, Sex Toy (which you can support via Moen's Patreon page), about her definition of sexting, and she added one important point. "It's two adults consensually engaging in sexually arousing behavior," she told us via email.
"The important part of that sentence is 'consensually,'" Moen wrote, who is advocating for more responsible sexting. "Sexting should be enjoyable and wanted by both people. If it is just one person sending unsolicited sexual messages or pictures to another person without their okay, then it is just straight up sexual harassment. the other person is into it before you start getting freaky with them. " So, before you doff your duds and whip out your selfie stick, have a serious conversation with the person with whom you wish to sext. Make sure they're enthusiastic as you are. It's more fun when everyone feels safe. Trust and Communication
Even if you are sending sexy messages to your married partner for several decades, we recommend having a discussion about expectations and safety when it comes to sexting.
Just as you might discuss STD testing and other issues related to health and safety with your sexual partners, you should also talk frankly about sexting before you do it. Are you into flirty or dirty text messages only, or are pictures and videos on the table, too? Do you want to make sure your sexting partner only sends you messages when you're at home? What efforts are you going to make to protect the privacy of the other person?
Set some ground rules and do not be afraid to turn down options that make you feel uncomfortable or vulnerable. It's better to voice those concerns now than after the fact. If you are interested, please let me know.
Some people engage in sexting as part of their online dating life, meaning they may be sexting with semi-strangers. We do not condemn it, but we do not see it as a higher risk. If you're going to send sexy messages to someone you do not know very well, take some extra precautions. Consider using a messaging service that is not tied to your real name or phone number, and hold back on anything in the images or messages that could be used to identify you-like your face.
What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Any number of things could go wrong. Photos or messages could be intercepted by people you know. It could even be accidental, like glancing at a notification when naughty message arrives. For many people, that's a lot worse than having sexts leak publicly, depending on whether you're identifiable as one of the participants.
Remember, too, that they could be intercepted on your end or your partner's end.
"There is an unavoidable risk that your sexts will be seen by someone other than the intended recipient," Moen said when Duffy spoke with her. "Whether you have your trust intentionally betrayed or [your sexting partners] have their accounts hacked, the end result is still the same: You may be exposed."
She added, "If the consequences will be traumatic (like losing your ability to financially support yourself, losing custody of your children, feeling suicidal, etc.), you should probably hold off on sexting. and nobody deserves them for engaging in a consensual sexual activity, but they do exist. "
So what do you do? Here are a few of the most common issues.
Electronic media is always reproducible. By its very nature, digital media is reproducible. You can not get around it. Anyone can take a screenshot of their phone or computer, or even use another device to take a picture of a screen. Once the original is copied, each copy can be copied and transmitted to an infinite number of times.
If you are going to be sexting, you are assuming the risk that someone might copy your text, images, and videos. It's an unavoidable risk.
Are you a target? If you're a high-profile person, such as a celebrity or politician (looking at you, Jeff Bezos), or if you have some other delicate facet to your life (eg, you're an elementary school principal or a member of the clergy), you may have more to lose if your sexts were leaked to the public, a board of trustees, your boss, and so forth. That may sound obvious, but consider how realistic and why the risks are different.
People can be jerks. Just because you're not famous does not mean you're targeting blackmail or harassment. "Revenge porn," where private messages are put online as an act of revenge is a very real problem. Some legislation is beginning to address this practice, but it's still a threat.
Worse, some hackers engage in so-called "sextortion." This is where an attacker blackmails victims with embarrassing information-sometimes photos or videos captured without the victim's knowledge through their webcams. In the most twisted examples, the attackers demanded more explicit material from victims.
"When you receive a consensual sext, it is your responsibility to be a decent human being by never ever sharing it with anyone else," Moen told us. "Even if that person hurts you later, even if you think that person deserves to be punished for some wrongdoing, using their own body or sexual desires to publicly humiliate them is never, ever justified. act like it. " People lie. Just because you're honest, it does not mean the other person is. Maybe they will not protect your photos as well as you want, or maybe they'll betray your trust and show your photos to other people. Or maybe they're not who they claim to be. Maybe they're a predator, or a blackmailer, or a minor. Tastefully Secure Nudes
Sure, the risks can be scary, but knowing the specific risks helps in finding good solutions. First and foremost: how are you going to send your sexts? Here are a few things to consider before you fire away.
First, be aware of where the photos you take are stored on your phone. Are they backed up online? Are there other apps on your phone, like Google Photos, that are also copying your photos? We recommend doing an audit of your photo-taking and storage practices, so you know exactly where everything is. Also, be sure to tidy up your devices often. Delete your lewds, or move them to secure storage. There is nothing worse than trying to show you your vacation photos and accidentally revealing something a little too private.
Second, consider hiding identifying features, like your face, tLastly, sexting is best in private. Even when your flirtations are with a person you trust, do not do it in public. An eye on your shoulder could turn into a smartphone camera over your shoulder. Keep it under wraps. Safe Sending
How you send your sexts is almost as important as what's in your sexts. Depending on the messaging service you use, you might unknowingly be opening yourself up to risk.
Signal is a messaging service that puts emphasis on privacy and security. All your messages are encrypted end-to-end, so they can not be read even if they were intercepted. Signal is tied to your phone number, but also has an Accounts feature that lets you hide personal information. You can set a time limit for messages and attachments to be deleted, and the app stores images you send and receive with Signal separately on your device. We highly recommend Signal in general as a secure messaging service that's actually easy to use.
SMS and text messages are the old standby for messaging, sexy or not. While they are tied to your phone number, which can, in turn, be traced to you with some effort. They can be easily deleted, but not recalled, and there's no way to have messages automatically deleted. Also, some devices will automatically save all attachments, and in some cases backup messages and attachments to the cloud. Remember those iCloud hacks of celebrity messages from a few years ago? Hackers tricked victims with entering their login credentials with phony phishing pages, and were able to access the online backups. That's why we recommend enabling two-factor authentication (2FA) everywhere possible. With 2FA, an attacker can not access your account with your password alone.
Similarly, WhatsApp is tied to your phone number and owned by Facebook. While its messages are encrypted, it does have an option to create backups and stores images you send and receive. WhatsApp's local backup feature in order to access your messages.
That said, using Apple's Messages app has some advantages. While the information is stored online, it's encrypted in such a manner that Apple can not access it. If you go this route, be aware of online backups as a potential point of failure. Let your partner know, and be wary of phishing sites.
You can use Google Voice to send and receive calls and texts to a number that is separate from your own. You can also create a new Google account to separate your Voice number even more. But be sure you understand how and where the app stores photos and messages on your device.
Facebook Messenger is a very convenient messaging service that is widely used, and includes a secret message mode where your messages are encrypted end-to-end. That means (at least in theory) Facebook can not see these messages, and they should only appear on the device you sent from and the device that receives it. You can also set a time limit for messages sent in secret mode, which automatically deletes messages after a set time. That said, Messenger is either your phone number or your Facebook account or both, and does not allow for much anonymity. Also, most people do not know how to use the secret message mode works, which increases the chances for slip-up, and Facebook's privacy is sketchy at best. You should only sext with someone you trust with this service, and recognize the risk. We believe secret message mode is the best way to use this app. Additionally, its future is unclear given Facebook's stated desire to merge it with Facebook-owned Instagram and WhatsApp.
Alternatively, you can use the messaging built into social networks or dating sites. OkCupid, Twitter, and Snapchat all have messaging built-in. If you go down this path, we recommend using a separate account than the one you use day to day. This makes it less likely that you'll accidentally post something you did not want to share, and let you keep your identity. Keep in mind, however, that these services do not necessarily put privacy first. If you go this route, you'll want to take steps to hide who you are in the sign-up process, using a disposable email address or a secondary phone number.
There are lots of other options for sending secure messages, such as Wickr and Briar, and semi-anonymous messaging like Kik. Each one has its own set of advantages and disadvantages, and we recommend doing a little research before you dive in. Make sure you know how many messages are stored, whether or not they are encrypted, and whether or not someone else can access them.
Whatever you do, do not reuse passwords. If you use the same passwords across accounts, and one account gets hacked, the hackers will go around trying your password on other accounts. It will happen It is perhaps one of the most common ways people get "hacked." Do not do it! Use the password manager and batten down your password security. A Responsible, Sexy Steward
While most people are concerned about the risks of sending sex, there are risks and responsibilities for receiving them, too.
Be mindful of your backups. You will not hear from your smartphone, do not automatically back up photos automatically when you're sexting. Make sure you turn off auto-upload features in apps like Dropbox and Box, as well as Google Photos and the Apple Photos app.
Agree upon rules for deleting, and following through. Be safe, be smart, and delete your dirty messages and pictures frequently. Agree with your sexting partner about how often you will dump pictures of their junk, and check in from time to time to make sure they are doing it.
Again, there is no way to prevent an individual from taking a screenshot or somehow copying the file. But you can make your feelings clear about whether you want your partner to keep copies of your torrid exchanges.
Learn how to really delete. More importantly, make sure you learn how to delete stuff entirely. For example, if you mark iPhone photos to delete, it does not actually delete them for 30 days. It just puts them into an album called Recently Deleted.
You have to go into that folder and force them to get rid of them right away. The same is true for other photo services.
Be aware that some services like those provided by Google and Apple will sync your images between devices. Simply deleting the image from one device does not mean you've covered all your bases, so be sure you know how your settings are configured.
Even when you do not delete files entirely, there's still a chance someone could forensically recover the data. It's very difficult, but you should be aware that it's possible.
Hide texts from the lock screen. Although we recommend you do not use the text messaging app for your sexting, there is no guarantee your sexting partner is not going to slip up and send you a tantalizing description of himself or herself via SMS. So be extra cautious and disable messages from appearing on your phone's lock screen. (Even if you do not sext, hiding messages from the lock screen is a very good security tip.) Happy Safe (r) Sexting!
When we open ourselves up to intimacy of any kind, we are putting ourselves at risk. That's as true as it is in person. So be smart, take precautions, and above all: be kind. Respect people's boundaries, and be a good steward of sensitive information. When sex-or sexting-is safe, it's a lot more fun. Source:Max Eddy and Jill Duffy