DIGITAL LIFE
Love at first prompt? How AI-assisted courtship is rewriting the rules of online dating
In the famous French play Cyrano de Bergerac, the brilliant but insecure Cyrano lends his eloquence to the handsome, tongue-tied Christian to help him woo his lover. Today, a remarkably similar scene is playing out among millions of dating app users, with the role of the lovelorn poet played not by a human but by AI. New research from Constructor University professor Dr. Lennart Ante analyzes the growing impact of dating app users outsourcing the delicate work of courtship—from the witty opening line to the flirtatious reply—to AI assistants like ChatGPT, Gemini or even specialized "wingman" apps like Rizz and Winggg.
The paper, "The Cyrano Effect: LLM-Assisted Impression Management and Authenticity in Online Dating," published in Telematics and Informatics, examines the implications of AI's growing incursion into the human dating pool. Recent surveys suggest more than 1 in 4 singles in the United States have already used AI to augment their dating lives, while a majority of dating app users believe they have exchanged messages with an algorithm at some point.
Drawing on 45 in-depth interviews with dating app users—including both those who use AI to write their messages and those who have received AI-assisted messages from a match—Ante's study contributes vital understanding of a phenomenon that is rapidly reshaping how millions of people meet, court and connect online.
"I had been seeing more and more stories in the news and online about LLMs, lovebots and people forming romantic relationships with these AI tools, something I find utterly fascinating," said Ante on the inspiration behind the research project. "While my own experience with dating apps is limited to occasionally seeing my friends swipe through Tinder, I couldn't help but wonder how AI might be creeping into these spaces as well."
How AI is changing dating...Over the past decade, online dating has become the definitive mainstream pathway to romantic relationships. It is now the most common way couples meet in the U.S. and is underpinned by a $3.2 billion dating app industry boasting hundreds of millions of users worldwide. Against this backdrop, generative AI is not a marginal curiosity but a tool that is becoming increasingly embedded in one of the most intimate domains of everyday life.
When the words that spark a first connection are no longer entirely one's own, it raises fundamental questions about what it means to be authentic, the nature of the human connections being formed and the real-world implications when AI-augmented online personas eventually meet in person and unassisted across a dinner table.
To address these questions, Ante conducted semistructured interviews with two distinct groups of dating app users: 23 individuals who reported using LLMs to help write profiles or messages, and 22 individuals who suspected or confirmed that a match had used AI in their communication. Participants were recruited from English-language online dating communities based primarily in the United States, the United Kingdom, Canada and parts of Europe. The interviews were analyzed using reflexive thematic analysis, an interpretive approach designed to identify and understand the meanings that participants themselves attach to their experiences.
"What we see in the result is a nuanced, qualitative portrait of an emerging social practice that quantitative studies have so far only been able to gesture at," Ante said. "Existing surveys and experimental work convincingly show that disclosing AI involvement tends to reduce trust and attraction. While this establishes that a problem exists, it doesn't tell us why, or what people are actually feeling in these moments.
"A number on a trust scale doesn't capture a recipient's experience of feeling 'violated' or 'stupid' for opening up emotionally, only to learn that they are interacting with AI responses. This is where the true value of this research lies."
Three themes from the study...Ante's study found three notable themes emerging from the data:
"The Authenticity Paradox" describes how users justify AI use not as deception, but as a way to express their "true" selves more accurately, with AI acting as a sort of prosthesis for social anxiety, linguistic insecurity or the perceived inefficiency of online dating.
"The Digital Betrayal" captures the experience of recipients who describe the moment they suspect or discover AI use as a violation of trust, and a sense that something fundamental about the interaction has been "faked."
"The Persona-to-Person Leap" traces the anxiety of moving from an AI-polished chat to an unassisted offline encounter—a transition that, in many cases, exposes a gap too wide to bridge.
Together, these themes give rise to what Ante calls the "Cyrano Effect": the entanglement of human and algorithmic authorship that reconfigures impression management, authenticity and trust in digitally mediated romance.
"My research focuses on actual lived experiences, where the real mechanism lives," Ante said. "By directly speaking with people, both those using the tools and those on the receiving end, I was able to assess the full arc, from the justification to the reveal, and finally, the awkward first date."
"What surprised me most was how coherent the justifications of AI users were, and at the same time, how deeply betrayed the recipients felt," Ante said. "The same act—such as using ChatGPT to draft a flirtatious message—can be experienced from one side as the ability to finally express one's true self, and yet from the other side as a fundamental violation of trust. That asymmetry is what makes this phenomenon so difficult for users, platforms and the broader culture of online dating."
Broader implications for online romance...Ante's study contributes to research on computer-mediated communication by extending classical theories of impression management, authenticity and trust into the age of generative AI. It introduces the notion of "prosthetic authenticity"—the idea that authenticity may increasingly be understood not as the absence of mediation but as alignment between one's inner self and outward expression, even when that expression is algorithmically augmented—and points to an emerging crisis of authorship, in which the once-safe assumption that "the person who writes is the person who speaks" no longer holds.
The findings also speak to a longer cultural trajectory in which intimate relationships are increasingly framed through the logic of markets, efficiency and self-optimization, with AI now extending that logic from the search for a partner to the communicative act itself.
Beyond its theoretical contribution, the study has direct practical implications. For platform designers, it raises the difficult question of how to respond to AI assistance. Outright bans are difficult to enforce and may penalize users who rely on AI for legitimate reasons, such as overcoming language barriers or communication anxiety, while a laissez-faire approach risks an undeclared arms race between AI generation and human detection.
The article argues that some form of transparency—optional, verifiable disclosure of AI assistance—may be the most viable, if imperfect, path forward. For individuals, it points to the need for a new kind of digital literacy: the ability to recognize when an eloquent message on screen may not be authored by the person on the other side, without sliding into blanket cynicism that makes genuine connection impossible.
"Ultimately, the question that animated Cyrano de Bergerac remains unresolved in AI-mediated romance," Ante said. "When we fall for these words, who or what are we really falling for? How we as scholars, designers and users answer that question will shape not only the future of online dating, but also our broader understanding of agency, responsibility and intimacy in a world where algorithms increasingly speak in our name."
Provided by Constructor University


